Online Dating not Working for You? Here's Why and What to Do about it

Be clear about what you want and don’t be afraid to put that on your profile. 

Don't make your online profile a list of what you don't want, rather paint a picture of what you would like to have in a relationship. Not a checklist of superficial qualities but rather the essence of what you hope to build with someone. 

This will stand out as a positive and inviting profile that people will want to connect with. 

Remind yourself that you are on the app to find one person.

It is easy to get sucked into thinking that the more likes we get the more desirable we are. However if we are looking for a long term relationship we actually just want to find one person!

It is actually better if we attract fewer matches that are genuinely going to have a chance of connection with. 

Don't try to be all things to all people, ensure your profile shows the true you so you can attract people who you have a chance of a genuine connection with. 

Remember that the app is a tool to meet someone in person. 

Consider it as a lead generation funnel, your aim is to put as many people into the net as possible at that initial matching stage. 

If it is a match you can then go back through the profile and decide if you want to progress to messaging them. 

Limit your emotional engagement until you meet in person. No getting wildly excited about someone, telling friends about them before you have ever met. Manage your expectations, rather than building someone up on to a pedestal simply allow your curiosity to be peaked. No being gutted when someone stops messaging, they weren't the one for you. 

Making quick decisions enables you to tune into your gut reaction before your brain can jump in and start rationalising (which lets be honest we can all talk ourselves into either side of an argument) 

Use the 1 second swipe strategy;  that is make your yes/no decision on the first picture (it should be their best) within one second. 

Quick decisions save you from wasting time imagining a date or a life with someone you may never meet. 

It also stops the oh why didn’t that person match with me feelings, as you won’t have spent long enough on their profile to remember them! 

Aim to move the messaging along to arranging a Pre-Date as soon as possible. 

The longer the messaging goes along the more we create a fantasy around the person that they may never be able to live up to. It also gives us a chance to find excuses not to meet them.

(Asking for an in-person meeting will also shake out the catfishers who may be trying to lure you in with romantic messaging to then scam you.)

Don't be afraid to ask someone to meet for a casual coffee, a walk or a quick drink. You don't have to wait for them to ask! 

Don’t be afraid of rejection. You may connect with 100 people to find that one person, you will reject some, some will reject you. 

It is just part of the process. 

Don't over think it trying to find a reason why, or worse still using it as evidence for whatever negative story you want to tell yourself. It wasn't the person for you, on to the next! 

How much is being in the lovely relationship your desire worth to you? 

Are you willing to invest in yourself to get the one thing you really want someone to share life with? 

Pay the premium if it is going to make it easier. Is finding someone to share your life with worth £10 - £30 a month? Probably yes. 

But you are not going to pay the £10 a month for the next three years. You need to use the app with intention. Set a deadline for yourself, how long are you going to commit to paying the subscription? Then make sure you are active everyday to g